


It’s a lovely day at Malfoy Manor, and Draco is a horrible goose

by toutcequonveut



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Voldemort, Animagus, Animagus Draco Malfoy, Based on a Tumblr Post, Comedy, Crack Treated Seriously, Crack-ish, Embedded Images, Fluff and Humor, Getting Together, Humor, M/M, Task Lists (Untitled Goose Game), Untitled Goose Game References, i dunno i can't tell what's crack anymore, ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-20
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:08:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26555617
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/toutcequonveut/pseuds/toutcequonveut
Summary: What the title says ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Relationships: Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter
Comments: 50
Kudos: 141





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Based on [this tumblr post](https://cibeewastaken.tumblr.com/post/629292729096175616)
> 
> Untitled Goose Game is my favorite game of 2019 and I knew I _had_ to write this fic once I saw that post lol

_Honk!_

Draco clapped his hands over his mouth. Or rather, he tried to, but instead he just knocked his bill painfully with one of his huge white wings. _Ow._

Carefully, he peered at his surroundings. Father’s spare library at the Manor was much the same as it had been when Draco was human. Naturally, everything looked bigger than it had before he underwent his first full Animagus transformation; at the same time, it all looked much more… conquerable than it had ten seconds previously. Draco flared his powerful wings experimentally and immediately struck one of the tall bookcases, sending it into a precarious wobble before the Stabilisation spells caught and uprighted it.

Draco found that he felt no remorse for the near-disaster. In fact, a part of him was rather delighted at the thought of wrecking that bookcase. It belonged to his father. Why should his father get to decide the rules of the house? Who said that bookcases had to stand? 

These thoughts flashed through his bird mind in less than a second, and then Draco was lunging forward, his neck extending powerfully as he gripped the handle on the side of the bookcase. He flapped his wings wildly as he pulled and pulled and _pulled._ The lamp on the nearby table toppled to the ground. Parchment scrolls scattered everywhere. A table overturned. Still, the bookcase would not fall!

Chest heaving from exertion, Draco eyed the books lined up neatly on the bookshelves. _Not for long,_ he thought.

In short order, Draco had used his surprisingly prehensile beak to grab every book off the shelves and place each one in a different shelf in the library. The bookcase now stood empty, its contents conquered by one (1) goose Animagus by the name of Draco.

Draco turned and surveyed the now-chaotic library. There wasn’t much else for him to accomplish here. He turned his beady eyes to the large picture window that overlooked Mother’s garden. Naturally, oh so naturally, his eyes shifted to the large ornamental globe that lay just to the side of it.

_CRASH!_

The globe went sailing out the window. Draco came tumbling out after it, flapping his wings haphazardly as he attempted to take flight. Unfortunately, it seemed that the secrets of flight were not programmed into Draco’s Animagus instincts. He fell tail over neck all the way down until he made contact with the Cushioning Calpurnias his mother had planted when he was a toddler to protect him. Draco had scoffed at the notion that he might ever topple out the third story windows. Now, he was immeasurably glad for their presence. 

Gingerly, he got to his feet to examine his surroundings. The gardens at Malfoy Manor had always been spectacular, so much so that it was understood in Pureblood circles to be the best of all Manor gardens. In recent days, though, Longbottom Manor’s gardens had been generating quite a stir. Mother had been going out of her mind trying to visit so she could update her gardens accordingly, but Augusta Longbottom was crafty and vicious and figured her out every time. Still, Draco thought the Malfoy gardens were splendid regardless of how they compared to the Longbottom gardens. 

At least, human Draco did.

As a goose, the carefully crafted coordination of colors and symbiotic flora disappeared. What did a goose care for the societal trifles of man? There were _flowers_ to be pulled and _tools_ to be scattered; Draco eyed the nearby pond with vicious glee. The neat little fencing with magical lights scattered throughout that formed garden paths was just asking to be wrecked by his bill. There was a single red tulip still in bloom this time of year that seemed to beg to be uprooted. Draco decided to oblige. He ran past the globe that lay forlornly in two pieces on the ground, the United States having popped out of the intricate stonework, and triggered the automatic _Aguamenti_ charms. The water splashing under his webbed feet added to the overall air of chaos as he ran full tilt (which truthfully was not very fast) towards the tulip. Draco was just about to close his beak around the stem when something to the side caught his eye. 

It was big. It was white. It had feathers. A jaunty viridian ribbon was tied around its neck in a huge bow. Draco gawked at the marble swan statue stained just so to look incredibly lifelike as it posed victoriously. His mother must have installed it recently, because he had eaten at this garden table only yesterday and there had been no swan then. 

He walked in a circle one way around it. Then he walked the other way around it. 

There was no denying it. The statue was distinctly grander than his own goose form. And that _was not allowed._

Draco quickly nipped the ribbon off the statue’s neck; the swan surely didn’t deserve such a beautiful accessory. Then, he put his shockingly strong neck muscles to work. He dragged the stone swan all the way to the orchard and left it lying disgracefully on its side in a cluster of trees. 

Only Draco was allowed to be a beautiful white bird on Malfoy Manor grounds! 

(He conveniently decided to ignore the albino peacocks that used to occupy the grounds. Father had gotten rid of them after one pecked him in the arse anyway.)

Turning to continue his mission of uprooting the last tulip, Draco caught sight of a shining green apple that had fallen from one of the orchard trees. A basket lay nearby, a sign that the house elf charged with harvest had been called away to another duty in the middle of her work. 

As his thoughts swirled, the apple sat there, gleaming in the bright sunlight. 

Draco wanted it. He wanted it more than anything he’d wanted in the past five seconds. He was going to _have_ it. 

He grabbed the basket in his beak and dragged it into the shade of the tree. Then, he began to collect the fallen green apples one by one and drop them into his basket. When the basket was full, Draco dragged the whole thing to the picnic spot by the pond. As a human child, he’d enjoyed many an afternoon here with Mother, eating tiny sandwiches and enjoying the warm sun and charmed butterflies. 

It turned out that picnicking as a goose was just as pleasurable. Draco pecked at the green apples and, when he had had his fill, amused himself by rolling them into the pond. He had just pushed the eleventh one down the slope when he heard a voice: Potter was here! 

Potter was part of the landscaping group that managed the many magical plants that populated Malfoy Manor’s gardens. When they first met, Draco had made some snarky comment and Potter had instantly turned it around on him, and from that point Draco knew they were going to get along like a house on fire. He made it a point to visit and bother Potter whenever he was working on the grounds. Recently, he’d begun to wonder if he was imagining the way Potter trailed his fingertips just a little too close when they talked, grazing Draco’s skin and making his breath catch. There had been several distinct moments when he and Potter had spent a moment too long just staring into each other’s eyes. Draco wondered then if Potter was a Legilimens; was he picking up Draco’s own hints at the secret he held within? 

Goose Draco had no such concerns. Goose Draco now heard Potter rustling around, checking on the rare breeds of magical plants and perceived him as another target of his goosely world domination. 

Potter was muttering to himself as he counted the number of petals on each Many-Petaled Pelargonia to ensure that the soil acidity was adequate. It was a meticulous task, since Malfoy Manor had many Many-Petaled Pelargonia. It was therefore no difficulty to creep up slowly behind Potter on webbed feet and, when he was within biting distance of Potter’s arse, let out a loud _“HONK!”_

Potter yelped and fell back on his arse. Unfortunately, the patch of Many-Petaled Pelargonia was on a slope overlooking the pond, so down Potter tumbled until he rolled with a big splash into the water. Draco sailed gracefully into the water just after him, a large red chrysanthemum in his bill that he’d plucked on the way down. 

“What the bloody Merlin was that!” Potter squawked. Draco ignored him—what use were human words anyway? Clearly the superior form of communication were _honks_ —and gently tucked the bright red flower into Potter’s dripping hair. He was actually quite fetching like this: Potter’s dark skin and hair, dripping wet, offset perfectly by the radiant chrysanthemum. It made Draco pause. What had he been thinking?! Before Potter could do anything else, Draco swam to the shore and dashed up the hill. 

Obviously, he needed to pretty himself up more before conquering Potter. His devious goose mind set its sights on that wonderful ribbon that had previously graced the swan statue’s neck. As he raced to the spot where the ribbon lay, he saw that his parents had evidently decided to have tea outside at the nearby garden table. Lucius was seated at the table already, face obscured by the newspaper he was carefully perusing. Narcissa was out of sight, probably still inside applying the layers upon layers of charms she used to protect her skin from the strong rays of summer sun. 

_Perfect._

Draco slowed to an ominous stalk as he crept past directly in front of his father. The rustling of the Daily Prophet disguised the slight sounds Draco made as his gooseliness slid into place and posed victoriously where the swan statue had stood not thirty minutes earlier. 

Just in time, too, because here came Narcissa. She paused at the chair and scrutinized the scene before her. “Darling?” she questioned.

“Yes, my love?” Lucius replied, setting down his newspaper and picking up his tea. He took a sip as he gazed inquisitively at her, prompting her to continue. 

“Do you know what happened to the… oh, here it is.” Using her wand to levitate the satiny green ribbon edged with delicate lace, she cast a charm that sent the ribbon flying to Draco, fastening itself securely around his neck in a dashing bow. 

Draco honked loudly in triumph.

Lucius’ tea went spewing out.

Narcissa fell back on her bum. 

_“HONK! HONKHONKHONKHONKHONK! HONK HONK! HOOOOONK!”_ Draco flapped his wings enthusiastically for good measure. Then, his piece said, Draco took off sprinting full-tilt towards the lake. The lace edges of his bow fluttered in the wind, and he couldn’t help but feel pleased at how dashing he must look.

Potter had clambered out of the pond by now, but that didn’t stop Draco. He crashed into Potter at full speed, sending them both back into the water. 

“Oof!” cried Potter, instinctively cradling Draco in his arms.

“Honk!” cried Draco, intentionally nuzzling deeper into Potter’s embrace. 

_SPLASH!_ went the two of them as they plummeted into the pond.

Potter was leaning back on his arms, dazed. Draco honked cheerily at him and extended his neck out full length to grab the crimson chrysanthemum that was floating past, having fallen out of the mop on Potter’s head. He carefully replaced it to its rightful place amidst shaggy hair.

“What was that all about?!” Potter demanded. He grasped one of Draco’s wings and stretched it out as if the answer might be written there. 

Draco leaned in close and booped Potter gently on the nose, then reclaimed his wing.

“Hey now…” Potter admonished. “Wow, you certainly are pretty, aren’t you? Kind of an arse, though, dumping me in the pond twice.”

“Honk,” Draco replied helpfully. 

Potter leaned closer, then traced his finger around Draco’s bill and down his neck. “Wait a moment… Draco?!”

 _Uh oh._ Draco tried his best to look innocent. Unfortunately, there was no such thing as an innocent goose. 

“It _is_ you, isn’t it? Wait, that means you got your Animagus transformation! That’s great! Should’ve known you’d be a goose, though, you prat.” Potter was laughing now, his eyes lit up in that way they did when he was properly smiling. It was so lovely and reminiscent of the feelings that human Draco had for Potter that his transformation suddenly reverted. 

In an instant, the wonderfully water-repellent feathers that had been keeping him buoyant disappeared, and human Draco crashed into the pond much the same as Potter had moments earlier. He yelped in dismay

Potter snorted in mirth. “Serves you right!” He reached forwards and adjusted the lacy green bow around Draco’s neck to fit him better. Those same hands then drifted down to rest intentionally casually on Draco’s shoulders.

That touch gave him the push he didn’t know he needed. “Potter,” Draco began. “I want— could we— perhaps— would you like to go on a date with me?”

Potter’s gaze drifted up from the pond, past the botanical carnage left by two tumbles into the pond, up to where Draco’s parents were staring in shock at their son. He looked back to Draco. 

“Sure. Do you want to go to the village?”

Original image from [the Tumblr post by cibeewastaken](https://cibeewastaken.tumblr.com/post/629292729096175616)


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been meaning to draw this scene FOREVER, and getting a new tablet that I have to practice with finally gave me the motivation to do so. LET CHAOS REIGN!

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Next up, the sequel I will not write: "It's a lovely day in the village, and Draco is a horrible goose"  
> Actually that's pretty much the original game itself anyway lol
> 
> What other tasks do you think Draco should have accomplished? The day is still young, after all 😏


End file.
